


The Perfect Gift

by SatsunonSavior



Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Fluff, Gift Giving, Not related to ADKOR, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Stand Alone, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 09:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3351266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatsunonSavior/pseuds/SatsunonSavior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Valentine's Day and Jakuzure Nonon still hasn't found a gift for her girlfriend! What do you buy for the ascetic millionaire who has everything? Matoi and the Elite Four offer 'suggestions', but despite that, everything works out in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perfect Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I wrote this on a whim in two hours from midnight to 2am, so I apologize for any hilarious mistakes, attempts at comedy and general quality.  
> For easy reference, everyone in the text message portions is under their contact name in Jakuzure's phone.
> 
> Jakuzure: Herself, obviously.  
> Toad-kun: Gamagoori Ira  
> Monkey: Sanageyama Uzu  
> Doggy: Inumuta Houka  
> Delinquent: Matoi Ryuuko  
> And of course, references to the Underachiever are Mankanshoku Mako!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this harmless piece of fluff, and have a wonderful Valentine's day.  
> Kudos and Comments much appreciated, and as always; Thank you for reading!

Jakuzure rushed through the crowded, bustling shopping center as fast as she possibly could. Admittedly in her current condition ‘rushed’ was a misnomer; ‘staggered’ would probably be a better description after four hours of fruitless searching. Cursing, she shouldered her slender form through the milling shoppers with surprising strength and more than a few surreptitious kicks aimed at ankle height. Finally she burst into a small oasis of calm in the thronging crowd and slumped heavily against a pillar to catch her breath. Everywhere around her people swept back and forth in dizzying patterns; talking, laughing, eating and lugging bright red and pink bags adorned all over with hearts, rainbows, baby animals and all other manner of sickeningly cutesy decorations.

It was February 14th, Valentine’s day, and Jakuzure Nonon was facing the most difficult challenge of her entire life;

Fighting and holding the rank of Three-Star Elite? Child’s play.

Escaping death by Life Fibers and fighting an epic war for the survival of Humanity? Not a problem.

Finding the perfect Valentine’s gift for Kiryuin Satsuki? _Absolutely fucking impossible._

Angrily she consulted the list on her phone, staring in annoyance at the series of completely failed ideas.

 

~~Big fucking flower bouquet~~

~~Sexy underwear. Classy Sexy Underwear. With lace.~~

~~Jewelry~~

~~A huge-ass fancy box of chocolates. Like, premier Swiss shit.~~

A bitching watch.

 

With a grunt of irritation she crossed out the last line, having been completely unable to find anything she could imagine Satsuki wearing. Except for one watch that looked as if it might fit the part, until she’d asked the salesman how much it cost, at which point he looked at her pityingly and named a number larger than what Jakuzure had paid for her latest car. In retrospect, losing her shit at him and ending up screaming ‘It’s a fucking watch, you dog-fondling fuckwit!’ then getting asked to leave was probably not the proudest moment of her life, but then again, the day when she let some smug bastard in too much suit and too little hair look at her like a starving orphan that had accidentally wandered into a five-star restaurant was the day she gave up on life. Sighing, she did her best to put the experience behind her and considered her remaining options. As she was considering the merits of buying Satsuki a giant stuffed bear that she would undoubtedly hate, her phone buzzed and sounded the opening bars of _Clair de Lune._ She glanced down at her screen and flicked open the new message.

 

Toad-kun: _JAKUZURE, I REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. WHAT WOULD A YOUNG LADY SUCH AS MANKANSHOKU WANT FOR VALENTINE’S DAY?_

She snorted, shaking her head. _Does he have to type in block capitals too?_ She thought to herself, thinking over her reply.

 

Jakuzure: _It’s the underachiever; take her out to eat somewhere. Somewhere with refills. Lots of refills. And ice-cream._

Toad-kun: _THAT SEEMS REASONABLE. THANK YOU JAKUZURE._

_Jakuzure: Whatever, Toad…listen, I have a crazy idea. What would you hypothetically get Lady Satsuki for Valentine’s Day? You know, if you were going out._

She held her breath. That was a pretty big risk, but Gamagoori was notoriously dense. His reply was several moments in coming.

 

Toad-kun: _I WOULD NEVER GO OUT WITH LADY SATSUKI! I AM NOT WORTHY OF SUCH A WOMAN!_

Jakuzure: _Goddamn it, Toad, I know you’re not! But IF YOU WERE. WHAT WOULD YOU BUY HER?_

Toad-kun: _I…DON’T KNOW. SHE DOESN’T SEEM THE TYPE FOR ANY OF THE TYPICAL GIFTS._

Jakuzure: _That’s my point. Oh, that reminds me, bring the underachiever flowers. Something nice and colorful to match her obnoxious personality._

Toad-kun: _DULY NOTED. MY THANKS._

 

She rubbed one hand against the bridge of her nose and decided that it was time to put the question to a wider audience. Holding her breath, she sent out the mass-text; the last weapon in her arsenal. The responses were quick and devastating.

 

Monkey: _HOLY SHIT, r u gonna ask Lady Satsuki out? How do u want 2 b buried?_

Doggy: _I’d buy her something material. Fancy but practical._

Jakuzure: _First off, SHUT UP UZU. Second, what the hell Inumuta, what’s with that prepared response? Got something to tell us?_

Doggy: _Just because I think faster than a glacier doesn’t mean I’ve prepared something, Jakuzure. What about a watch?_

Jakuzure: _I tried a watch, but I couldn’t find anything worth less than my car._

Doggy: _Ah well, she does have expensive tastes. By the way, thank you for telling us all you are asking Lady Satsuki out. ;)_

  
Jakuzure went pale. _Oh shit,_ she thought, _I did not mean to let that slip. Fucking Inumuta._

 

Monkey: _HA, I fuckin’ told u she was gonna ask her out!_

Toad-kun: _WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THIS, JAKUZURE!?_

Delinquent: _Oi oi, what’s this about dating my sister, pint-size?!_

 

Jakuzure put her face in her hands. Not Matoi as well. Anything but that.

 

Toad-kun: _IF YOU THINK YOU’RE WORTHY OF LADY SATSUKI, YOU HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING!_

Delinquent: _I dunno about that, I just think Satsuki would shoot her down. She’d give you the fuckin’ eyebrows._

Monkey: _LOL. Yh, she’d b like ‘Jakuzure’ and give u that stare that wreks ppl._

Jakuzure: _Damn monkey, type like a human being at least._

Doggy: _I calculate an 89% chance she shoots you down, Jakuzure._

Monkey: _It don’t luk good, Nonon!_

Delinquent: _You could have picked an easier target than Kiryuin Ice-Queen, Jakuzure._

Toad-kun: _DON’T EMBARRASS YOURSELF, JAKUZURE! SHE’S OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE!_

 

Jakuzure’s face began to flush, her hands shaking in anger. The crowds around her drifted into the back of her mind, no longer important as she hunched over her phone, tapping out keys as hard as she could, teeth clenched.

 

Jakuzure: **_OH MY GOD, FUCK YOU ALL._**

Jakuzure: **_WE’RE_**

Jakuzure: **_ALREADY_**

Jakuzure: **_DATING._**

 

There was a pause for almost a full minute before even one of them managed a reply.

 

Monkey: _LOL WAT._

Delinquent: _Wait, what?!_

Toad-kun: _WHAT!?_

Doggy: _Oh, well done._

Jakuzure: _Exactly. Get fucked. We’ve been dating for weeks, thank you very much!_

Delinquent: _And hiding it from everyone? Damn, I’m gonna give Satsuki such a punch for not telling me…_

Monkey: _Damn, way 2 go Jakuzure! Tap dem eyebrows! ;) ;) ;)_

Toad-kun: _DO NOT REFER TO LADY SATSUKI IN SUCH A MANNER SANAGEYAMA!_

Delinquent: _Don’t fuckin’ sexualize my sister’s eyebrows, you creep. Besides, everyone knows Jakuzure is an ass-man._

Jakuzure: _What. I’m not an ass-man! Or a man!_

Monkey: _yh, ur just an ass!_

Jakuzure: _Bite me, perma-virgin._

Doggy: _Children please. We still have to help Jakuzure with her original topic. What should she get Lady Satsuki?_

 

There was another significant pause in the conversation as they thought it over.

 

Monkey: _U shud jump out of a cake._

Jakuzure: _That’s dumb._

Monkey: _No, rly! It wudn’t even need to b a big cake!_

Jakuzure: _Etiquette and spelling lessons; you need both._

Doggy: _I still think a watch would be best. Or a sword. Or something similarly practical._

Monkey: _Get it!? Coz she’s short!?_

Toad-kun: _YOU COULD BUY HER TEA!_

Delinquent: _I think she has like, a lifetime supply. But it’s not a terrible idea._

Jakuzure: _That’s my point! She has like, everything. What do you buy an ascetic millionaire!? She has all the goddamn money in the world and DOESN’T BUY ANYTHING._

Monkey _: Y’know what u shud get her?_

Delinquent _: If you’re gonna say something lewd, fuckin’ don’t, Uzu._

Monkey: _Oh fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine._

Toad-kun: _WHAT ABOUT FLOWERS?_

Delinquent: _Ehhh, she doesn’t seem like the flowers kind of person. Maybe the right ones though…_

Doggy: _Flowers are not entirely out of the question if chosen with care._

Monkey: _FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY- **[MONKEY HAS LEFT GROUP MESSAGE]**_

 

Jakuzure sighed. She was getting a headache. There might be a few good ideas here, but it was like wading through an ocean of bullshit to get to them, if bullshit had a tendency to misspell or type in all-caps.

 

Delinquent: _Get her a card and write her a sappy love-song or something. ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I love your eyebrows, something something shoe.’_

Jakuzure: _Inspiring._

Delinquent: _Well, you’re the music major, jazz it up!_

Doggy: _Not a bad plan, Transfer-Student._

 

An alarm beeped on her phone and Jakuzure stood, stretching.

 _Well, that’s that. Time to get ready. We’ll just have to wing it,_ she thought to herself.

 

Jakuzure: _Thanks for the copious help guys, I’m out of time. Enjoy your dates. Try not to fuck it all up._

_Doggy: Good luck, Jakuzure. I give you a 58% chance of romantic success._

_Jakuzure: Gee, thanks._

_Toad-kun: THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE. DO NOT LET LADY SATSUKI DOWN OR I WILL DESTROY YOU._

_Jakuzure: Crash and burn, moron._

_Delinquent: Calm down, pint-size. Think of it this way; if she actually deigned to date you, she probably likes you enough that she’s gonna enjoy whatever you give her._

Jakuzure stared at her phone. That was…unusually supportive and insightful coming from Matoi.

 _Huh,_ she thought, _Not the area I was expecting support from. Guess you never know._

She picked up her pace as she headed towards her car. There was no longer any doubt in her mind what Satsuki really wanted for Valentine’s Day.

 

 

Jakuzure opened the front door to Satsuki’s apartment and slipped inside. The place was certainly more modest than her previous living arrangement, but given that her previous living arrangement was a mansion that wasn’t exactly hard. The apartment was huge, and furnished with impeccable taste; all hardwood furniture, soft carpets or gleaming wooden floors, wall size windows overlooking the city. The first time Jakuzure had seen it, she’d told Satsuki that she was living on a movie set. She slipped off her shoes and padded her way into the hallway. No sign of Satsuki.

“Hello?” she called out, feeling stupid, “Satsuki?”

“Hello!” came an answering voice, Satsuki sounding rushed and half panicking, “One second!”

Jakuzure sniffed as a scent wafted its way through the room to her nostrils.

 _That smells…delicious,_ she thought to herself, confused, _Did she order food?_

She propped the burden she was carrying by her shoes, straightened her cute blouse and checked her minimal makeup in the hallway mirror, then realized she was delaying and strolled into the main room with a casual air she certainly didn’t feel.

“Hey Satsuki!” she said cheerfully, “What did you orde-”

She trailed off as her eyes took in the scene before her; the lights were off, flickering candles giving sparse illumination and casting deep shadows in the early evening light. The small table was set for two, bowls of rice and soup sitting out, steam rising from them. Satsuki looked up from the little kitchenette of the apartment, incongruous in her slinky black dress and a pair of oven mitts with bears on them.

“Oh damn it, I thought you’d be slower.” Satsuki cursed, pouting slightly.

“Sorry to disappoint?” Jakuzure said, trying not to die at how cute Satsuki was right then and there.

Satsuki shook her head, carrying over a serving dish and setting out the main course with absolute precision, delicious smells of garlic, lemon and other more subtle flavors rising from the plate. Jakuzure’s eyes widened.

“Wait…you cooked for me?” Jakuzure asked, dumbstruck, “You can cook!?”

Satsuki gave her a level look, eyebrow quirked. Jakuzure flushed.

“Yes, Nonon, I can cook. I don’t rely on Soroi for everything.” She said, putting her hands on her hips. Jakuzure snorted.

“What?” she asked, pouting at the lack of a reaction.

“You’re still wearing the oven mittens. Which are super cute by the way.” Jakuzure pointed out, chuckling.

Satsuki laughed with her, cheeks going slightly pink at the edges, pulling the gloves off and laying them carefully aside before turning and walking right up to meet Jakuzure, who swallowed nervously and suddenly wished she had a breath mint.

“Hello, Nonon.” Satsuki whispered, and then leant down to press her mouth to hers, warm and sweet and gentle.

Jakuzure let out a small sound and went up onto her tiptoes, tilting her face up to meet Satsuki’s searching lips, tasting her lipstick and a fruity, heady wine on her tongue, which traced lightly over Jakuzure’s own. They parted slowly, both breathing heavier, and Jakuzure laughed softly, her arms wrapped lightly around Satsuki’s strong shoulders.

“Hello, Satsuki.” She finally replied, “I brought a little something.”

Satsuki smiled and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“You didn’t need to do that, Nonon.” She said.

“Well, I did anyway.” Jakuzure huffed, sticking her tongue out. She rushed into the hall to retrieve her gift, left sitting on the floor by her shoes. She took careful hold of it and slid back into the main room, where she placed the gift reverently on the table between the place settings.

“Here you are.” Jakuzure said, hiding her nervousness badly.

 

Satsuki paused, her eyes widening slightly, then Jakuzure’s nervousness vanished as her face split into a wide, brilliant smile that flipped Jakuzure’s stomach all the way over.

“It’s beautiful.” She breathed, running her fingers across the petals of the tall, stately orchid that sat in a little decorative vase on the table. Its stem was a vibrant green that contrasted beautifully with the pale whites and blues of its petals.  
Jakuzure couldn’t keep a grin off her face as she watched Satsuki admire the beautiful flowers from top to bottom.

“I’m glad you like it. It’s not really my gift though.” Jakuzure said, biting her lip.

“Oh?” Satsuki turned, raising an eyebrow, “It’s not your gift?”

“No.” Jakuzure said softly, taking a deep breath and looking up into Satsuki’s curious expression. She couldn’t think of a way to phrase it, all her carefully prepared speeches and turns of phrase vanishing in the face of that gorgeous, quietly amused face that looked down at Jakuzure with glittering blue eyes.

 _Oh hell,_ she thought, _Might as well just say it._ She looked up and spoke in one long rush;

 

“I’m your gift. I couldn’t think of anything you wanted. I mean, I was struggling so hard to find a gift for you. So I thought to myself, what do I get someone who has everything but doesn't really spend a lot of money and then I thought, maybe it’d be best to find something you couldn’t buy. So I thought if you really loved me then I could be your gift and it’d be super-romantic and-”

In the back of her mind, Jakuzure was aware she was babbling, and she started to panic.

_Oh god, she’s gonna think I’m a moron, she’s gonna laugh in my face, goddamn Inumuta’s fucking 58% and-_

Satsuki reached out and took Jakuzure by the hand; strong, slender fingers interlacing with hers, silencing her thoughts in an instant.

“So, you’re my gift, Nonon?” Satsuki asked, in a voice that brought a flush to Jakuzure’s cheeks and made her heart thump heavily in her chest. She gulped and nodded her head once, shakily. Satsuki gave her that brilliant smile once more, and Jakuzure could do nothing but step closer as Satsuki guided her mouth up to meet hers. This kiss blew the first one out of the water; by its end, Jakuzure couldn't have told Satsuki her own name, much less what day it was.

She looked up into those big blue eyes and knew then for a certainty that she was in love, loved in turn and lucky beyond measure. Satsuki smiled down at her and gave her fingers a gentle squeeze.

“Thank you. It’s just what I've always wanted.” she said.


End file.
